Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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