When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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