she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
