remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
