tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
