I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
