So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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