Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
