Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
