Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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