Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
