Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
