She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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