Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is the high leading the old right now
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
