i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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