This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
