All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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