sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
