I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just google imaged poop.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
