i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
time to smoke my breakfast
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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