Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
