Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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