And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
