So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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