I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
