Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
