I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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