god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
