Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
