And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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