he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
