Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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