I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She told me I should be a condom model.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
