9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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