This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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