seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
