So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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