i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
