I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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