I love black thongs
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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