he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
