Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
