you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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