Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
