I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
