Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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