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Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
