maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
