so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
