you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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