She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
