im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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