five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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