I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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